Who Is A Husband? What A Man Does That Makes Him One

Who is a husband? On the surface, it sounds like rhetorical question but if you look closely you will agree with me that it’s a question that really needs answering in our society today.

There seems to be different perspectives and views regarding the role a partner should play in ‘modern marriage’. Some of the propagated views have contributed to the damage in many marriages and even homes.

So many people have gone into marriage with certain mindsets and expectations only to be disappointed or faced with surprises. Some recorded divorce cases have been as a result of a partner not committing to their responsibilities in the union. There are marriage failures resulting from a partner not being prepared for the marriage commitment.

In this “Who Is…” series of articles, I want to discuss the need for both men and women to understand who a husband is. I believe the knowledge is much needed to help people prepare their mind before hand for marriage.

For a young man who looks towards marriage in the future, understanding the role he would play in the union would ensure he is not met by surprise when the time comes. He must understand what his responsibilities would be to his wife, when and how such responsibilities must be discharged. Such knowledge would help him prepare mentally, physically, socially and otherwise for a better marriage.

Similarly, a young woman who eagerly awaits marriage should in her eagerness learn to know what to expect in the anticipated union. Her knowledge of who a husband should be would help her be a better judge of her man during courtship.

If you are looking to go on a journey, you must first know where your destination is, and what to expect when you get there. Even if what you meet at your destination is not what you expected, your knowledge will help you better manage situations and work towards achieving your expectations. The same thing applies here. Both men and women, married or unmarried, should understand who a husband should be to help create healthier marriages.

Who is a husband?

It takes more than just wearing the ring to be a husband, and a wife

So let’s start off with a brief explanation of who a husband is. To establish a stand point, I am going to base my explanation on biblical views. The bible account of creation gives a clear indication of who a husband is.

In Genesis 2:5-25, the bible narrated how God created a man (Adam) and placed him in the Garden of Eden to cultivate and guard it (verse 2). Then God felt it is not good for the man to live alone, so he made a suitable companion (out of his rib – versus 22) to help him (verse 18). Right there, just then, the man (Adam) became a husband. Today, for the same reason of suitable companionship, “…a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife, and they become one” (verse 24).

That the Bible says a man leaves to be united with his wife is an important point to note. Contrary to what some wrongly people believe, a woman is made because of the man and not for him. She is what the man needs to be whole (one). A man is therefore not complete without a suitable companion. When a man sees such a companion and marries her, he becomes a husband – one who has found his missing part.

So the first responsibility that a man has to his wife is to find her. This is important because the man should better understand what he is missing. In other words, he needs to fine a woman that can complement him – a suitable partner. I guess this is the reason why almost in every tradition, it is the man who looks for a woman he would marry.

Now let’s look at the other responsibilities and functions that a husband has to his wife in marriage as recorded in the bible.

#1.  Love her

The most important responsibility that a husband has to his wife is to love her. Ideally, this one should be by default. A husband is made one with his wife so he should have no problem loving her as much as he loves himself, or more – as someone who has truly found a missing part.

This directive is clearly mentioned by St. Paul in his letter to the Ephesians (chapter 5 verse 33). In verse 25 of the same chapter the Bible directly instructed husbands to love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. Love is selfless, and so must a husband be to his wife. He must care for her without reservations.

#2.  Be proud of her

Yes, a husband should be proud of his wife, always. He should be happy and feel great self-respect just knowing that she is with him. That is in itself a form of praise, and would make her equally proud of him. Read Proverb 12:4; 31:28.

#3.  Satisfy her needs

A husband should satisfy his wife’s needs, both sexually and otherwise (1 Corinthians 7:3). He should be able to provide for and take care of her emotional and physical needs. How else would she feel bonded to him as his ‘missing part’?

#4.  Have Confidence in her

A man’s wife should be his companion, a suitable one. And if he can’t confide in her then in whom will he do so? A husband who trusts his wife and believes in her abilities will be happier and never be poor (Proverb 31:11).

#5.  Your body is for her

1 Corinthians 7:4 declares that a husband’s body belongs to his wife, as hers his. He should therefore not deny her sexual satisfaction. When husband and wife make love, their union is made stronger. When their love life dwindles, distance begins to set in.

#6.  Be faithful to her

As a husband, you should “…be faithful to your own wife and give your love to her alone” proverbs 5:15 (GNT). Read also Hebrews 13:4. Now that you are complete in marriage, what more could you want but to grow in love with your better half? Let nothing put you asunder.

#7.  Don’t be harsh to her

A husband should be compassionate with his wife, not be harsh to her (Colossians 3:19). Love demands that he desires her happiness all the time. And forgiveness should not be far from a husband’s heart. Remember, it is for better or for worse.

#8.  Treat her with respect

A man will always expect his wife to respect him, but what better way to get it than to give it? The bible clearly asks men to respect their wives (1 peter 3:7). Love, respect and honor should be a mutual responsibility for couples.

#9.  Be happy with her

Husband “…be happy with your wife and find joy with the woman you married” Proverb 5:18 (GNT). Yes, be happy with her and find joy with her. Make your wife happy and you will find joy (shared happiness) with her.

#10.  Manage his family well

This is a big part of a husband’s responsibility. It captures everything he must do to keep a healthy marriage and family. A husband should be both a good leader and a good servant. He should be able to teach and to learn, to speak and to listen, to act and to observe – all in a timely manner.

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Relationship Watch

Relationship Watch

Relationship Watch is a mind-child of Emmanuel James, a Nigerian with an innate gift for relationship counselling and therapy. RW collects and conveys relationship ideas, opinions and experiences with the goal of helping people maintain healthy and beautiful relationships. Relationship Watch is anchored on the believe that society can only be as good as the relationships we keep with ourselves and the people around us. You are welcome to share your experiences with us.
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