How To Teach Your Male Children To Be Better Husbands In Future
When you get married and have kids, what would you teach your male children? Would you teach your son to be the head of his family or the lord of his home? Do you plan to imbibe in him the spirit of equality or propagate the perception of patriarchy? Would you teach him to cook, wash, clean and tidy the house or to leave those to his sisters?
What would you teach your son when he arrives? How about teaching him not to think about marriage only because he cannot cook or because he is too lazy to wash his clothes? Good, and there is more to teach him;
Teach him that he ceases to be a man when he lays his hand on his woman.
Teach him to love his wife and be faithful to her
Teach him that what makes him a real man is how he treats his woman
As you teach your female child that Virginity is her pride, teach your son the same
Teach your son that listening to his wife doesn’t make him a weak man but rather wise man
Teach him that his wife must not try to keep him by going by some strict rules, that marriage is not a script
As you teach your female child that sleeping around makes her lose integrity, teach your son the same
Teach him that his opinions aren’t superior just because he is male; that he should reason with his wife
Teach him that he is the head of his family not the lord of his home
Teach him to listen, to learn, to communicate, to confide, to love and to serve as a husband and as a father
Teach your male child to believe in gender equity not in gender inequality
Teach him a lot more than these, and don’t forget to teach him to also teach his male child the very things you have taught him
It is necessary that you teach your male child well for a better society tomorrow. A better society is one of equity not of inequality. One of the causes of gender inequality today is parenting. When children come back from school, the male carelessly undresses and throws his uniform all over the house, parents ask the female to go arrange them because they feel she is female and needs to learn how to make a home.
The male children sleep till 7am while the female wakes up by 5am because she has to do the chores. The female child fetches water, cooks all alone and serves, and when there is a little flaw in the meal, she is nagged and threatened that she won’t make a good wife. These are but a few common approaches to the upbringing of children in many families. Sadly, this has become a norm in many cultures.
Cultural biases have made us tilt the full responsibility of making marriage work to a woman. Even as early as 15, a female is reminded of what she must do to be a virtuous woman, a homely wife – she must cook well, wash, clean, wake up early, etc. This isn’t wrong but how much do we remind our male children of the values that would make them responsible husbands? What values do we teach them that would make them good husbands? It is not only the man that should look for good wife; a woman needs a good husband too.
And who is a good husband. Isn’t he someone that would complement his wife or who his wife complements? Love, fairness, support, care, help, respect, communication, procreation, etc, aren’t these what marriage is about? These surely cannot be achieved without mutual co-existence. Equity requires that the man should support his wife in cooking in the same manner the wife supports him in paying the children school fees. He shouldn’t hesitate to cook for the family, do the dishes or other household chores when he has the time to do them. He should not hesitate to take on any responsibility that he is better at than his wife, and so also must the wife. And how would a man help in this manner if he has no skills or does not perceive it as right?
As with every institution there is always a leader, the man is biologically and historically the head of the family. This means that the man should be a true servant to his family. What better way is there to serve than to assist a wife with duties ascribed to her? And how would a man serve if he has no requisite skills? Very importantly, the man must recognize that being the chief servant, the wife is his co-servant. They should assign to themselves activities in and outside the home according to their strengths. This should be done irrespective of status or social standings. Husband and wife ought to work together as a team to manage the family well. Such synergy creates a better marriage and home, and by extension, a better society.
Inequality brings subjugation and division. Equity on the other hand, ensures synergy – one party complementing the other. We should debunk gender stereotypes, and embrace equity and fairness. Start from your home. Boys should also wake early, fetch water, wash, clean and cook just as the girls do. Girls should learn the principles of leadership and whatever values you inculcate in your male children. This would make both female and male children more helpful to their spouses in marriage. Build a better family tomorrow by training your male children well today. No knowledge is a waste.