7 Cardinal Practices For a Successful Relationship
give your partner your trust and you may get hurt. Give your partner your trust anyway
Once you have a beautiful romantic relationship, what may likely come next to your mind is to take the relationship to another level. That next level is courtship. Courting is step two on the road to marriage, step one being friendship. At this stage in a relationship, both parties can see that there is an end in sight. Well, an end that only marks a new beginning – marriage.
Courting the right way can eliminate a great deal of pain, drama and problems at later stages of your relationship. It is therefore important at this stage to focus deliberately on building a relationship that will endure through time. I use the word endure because life isn’t a bed of roses. You must be prepared to go through the good and bad times together.
In your relationship, especially during courtship leading forward, the following key practices would be useful in helping you achieve a healthy relationship.
#1 Love and Romance
I have no doubt that your relationship was established on this ground. What should constantly be under review is the state of this foundation of your relationship. Romance is the soft feeling of the beauty of love. It is an expression of love through words and actions. A lot of people confuse romance for sex, but these are two separate things.
These essential elements, love and romance, has been present since the beginning of your relationship. And for the relationship to continually grow, you must be sure that they are growing as well. As with driving a vehicle, it takes great care, concentration, forethought and creativity to be continuously romantic. In fact, love is like a vehicle and romance is the fuel that you need to drive it where you want it to take you.
More too often, relationships fail because people involve cease to make the other person see the beauty of the love they profess. They cease to live the love. When you act out of love, you are being romantic. That is what it means to live the love. It is not the acting that really matters, but how you act. At some point during courtship if not earlier, you would come to know whether you are committed and can remain committed to living your love to your partner. Do you concentrate on giving not on receiving, on caring for not on being cared for? Remember that it is in giving that you receive.
#2 Humility and Respect
Pride and arrogance prey on love. Humility is the other side of pride, so it nourishes love. It is often said that if you want respect, practice humility. This holds indisputably true in courtship. Respect, as you would later realize, is something you must promise to your partner if you eventually get pass the courtship phase into marriage. Respect is not a gift; it is something we must earn. Marriage automatically earns you the right to be respected by your partner but it is better to earn your partner’s respect through your actions.
There are several ways you can achieve respect in a relationship and one of those is through an attitude of humility. Interestingly, humility is easier practiced in a loving relationship. Your partner already appreciates you greatly. You are likely the most important thing in your partner’s life right now so there is really no need for a show of self importance. But by its nature, humility is not an attitude we ever perfect so you should constantly learn to be more and more humble. The more humble you are, the more respect you get from your partner. Humility is strength!
#3 Trust and Confidence
Where there is trust, there is confidence. As with love, I doubt if any good relationship lacks trust. The question is whether the trust level is increasing or dwindling. During courtship, you ought to devote time to assess your position in this regards and make amends as may be necessary. If your love and romance level for your partner is growing steadily and not regressing, then you likely don’t have problem trusting them.
If your assessment reveals dwindling trust, then try to change the status quo and push your relationship back on track. Discuss and dialogue. If your partner has failed in any way, let them know. Make effort to regain each other’s trust and confidence where necessary. In the words of Mother Theresa, give the world your trust and you may get hurt, but give the world your trust anyway. Paraphrasing Mother Theresa, I would say, “give your partner your trust and you may get hurt. Give your partner your trust anyway.” Trust is very essential to a healthy relationship and your ability to trust is vital to your well-being and success in life.
#4 Care and Share
Let me quote Mother Theresa again on the subject of love, “it is not all of us that can do great things but we all can do small things with great love”. Yes we can, especially to the people we love. It really doesn’t cost much to show that you care; all you need, as you have read, is to do very little things with great love. As simple an act as a timely compliment can make your partner feel great care.
Sharing is caring. You should grow the habit of sharing both tangibly and intangibly during courtship. Sincerely partake in your partner’s sorrow as well as their joy. Spend good time together and allow your partner to make use of what belongs to you freely. This practice would strengthen your bond and sustain your love for each other.
#5 Learn and Teach
In other to grow together, you should learn from and teach each other. What does your partner like doing most? It wouldn’t hurt you to try. Likewise, teach your partner what you enjoy doing. By doing so, you can spend time together bonding while engaging in your interests. If you enjoy playing video games at leisure for example, imagine how fun it would be to play it occasionally with your partner? You guys are planning on sharing a life, begin now to learn how to.
There is no limit to what can be thought or learnt in a relationship. And because of the closeness and the chemistry between you both, it is easy to embrace fresh interests and learn new habits from your partner. That is why it is important to go into relationship with someone who can compliment your weakness and (or) grow your strengths.
#6 Quarrel and Cuddle
If you love him or her, you will quarrel. Love grows with deeper knowledge of your partner and knowledge grows from disagreement. The truth is that you really don’t know your partner until you quarrel. A quarrel tests character, it reveals weakness and displays maturity. It is not just the romantic feeling that will sustain your relationship through the future; it is the feeling of tolerance, of acceptance and understanding. So if you have not quarreled before, at this stage of courtship, it is important that you do (not unnecessarily though). You have probably gone through without quarreling by simply leaving certain issues or topics unspoken about. This may not be deliberate but it is not good at all.
Quarrel is an important test of compatibility you can’t afford to miss. It teaches patience, forgiveness, tolerance and love. What is important in a quarrel is how you response to it. Quarrel that end with physical abuse is not healthy for your relationship. A healthy quarrel has to be done with love and respect. Do not allow a quarrel to last for too long, resolve things quickly, cuddle, kiss and move on bearing in mind the lesions learnt.
#7 Communicate healthily
The importance of good communication in a relationship cannot be overemphasized. Healthy communication strengthens the level of trust, honesty and respect you and your partner have for each other. Lack of effective communication causes unwanted problems and makes the resolution of problems difficult. Communication is a means by which you get to know your partner better and develop lasting bond. You put fresh life into your relationship each time you discuss about something. Talk to your partner about anything and everything. Failure to discuss certain things poses risk of distrust in the future when what you refused to disclose eventually comes be known.
When it comes to the above cardinal practices which I consider to makes up a healthy relationship, see your relationship as a business that must not run at lose. Well, except for quarreling which should generally become less often as you both continue to develop understanding and good communication, the others should be stable or on the increase. But it is important to bear in mind that relationships cannot be devoid of challenges, what is more important is the ability to resolve issues when they occur.
As long as the remaining key practices improve or trail steadily with time, you have a relationship worth keeping for a lifetime. And when you are certain that he or she is the right person to travel the adventurous road of life with, don’t hesitate to bring out the ring, or maybe ask for one. Be sure that your partner truly wants the relationship to head in the direction you are thinking. Well, the ring will tell about that.
Before you say “I Do”, do these
Now you are confidently courting with clear intentions of getting married. Things are going pretty well and the seven cardinal points are doing great. You probably can’t wait to say the words “I Do” to your partner. But before you do that, take time to double-check the following:
- Be sure that you are growing together and are committed to keeping the relationship going smoothly.
- Be certain that you and your partner still maintain the same believe in the direction the relationship is headed.
- Ensure that you have talked beyond your relationship to family and family backgrounds. Your partner’s family is a crucial part of their life and would be same for you.
- You have talked a bit about your future together. Topics like finance, career and child upbringing should have been talked about.
- Have you gotten to know your partner’s family well? Remember that you are not just marrying this person you love, you are marrying into his or her family and all the family drama that may exist.
- Have you come to the knowledge of each other’s worst self and are ready to live with it? It is easy to accept the good side of people.
- Have you gotten the approval and blessings of your parents for the marriage?
If all is checked, then you are good to go ahead and say “I Do!” In a not-so-uncommon circumstance where you still find yourself thinking what to do at this point, stop thinking and just act. You have come this far, you can’t be wrong.
Have a beautiful relationship!