Protect Your Wife From Family And Other Threats
I came cross this interesting write-up shared by one of my Whatsapp contacts and I found it worth sharing on Relationship Watch. My hearty appreciation goes to the original author, who has remained unknown. It is a lengthy read but it is an interesting one.
Protect Your Wife
I have come to realize that the only person who can save a woman from her husband’s family after God is her husband. This is why a man must be man enough to be a woman’s husband; marriage is not for a baby boy.
Imagine a woman leaving her comfortable zone, a convenient environment (her parents’ house), a house which is well furnished with tap water, water cistern system and all other necessary amenities that should be in a house, only for her to get married to a husband who is from a family where they draw water from the well. Of course, it is not a crime for her in-laws not to have afforded a high standard of living which will meet up with her expectation, as the axiom has it, “fingers are not equal”. However, it is a crime if the husband allows his family to enslave his wife.
Frankly speaking, she feels in hell even on earth when she gets married to a family where she is enslaved. Don’t you think it is far better for her to have remained single, enjoying the grace of God in her parents’ care? Are you wondering how a husband can enslave his wife? Or how exactly can you protect her? By attempting to provide answers to this and many other questions, this piece brings seemingly common marital enslavement issues into limelight and guides on salvaging this disheartening situation.
To begin with, if with an intention of reserving her energy and beauty for the future husband and unborn children, her parents can protect and cherish the two bones taken from a man and made inform of a woman—an Angel for a husband, if they can even go to the extent making sure those bones are not overstressed by fetching water from the well and pounding yam for family meeting, if her parents have not maltreated her because they understand how fragile women are and how they deserve being carefully handled, much more is required from her husband. Why should a husband not protect his wife from pounding yam for forty people? Why can he not tell his mum that the plates which have been used for more than a week by his siblings in his family house should not be kept for his fiancée to wash when she visits them on weekends? A man should understand that it is his duty as a caring man to tell his mother never to instruct his wife to put a big bowl of water on her head again or draw water from a very deep well with her head turned down and her chest at service.
My dear brother, only you can protect your wife. Don’t you think it is not your mum’s duty to test your wife’s tolerance and home training skills through hard labour? This is seemingly common these days. At times, some men even sit looking at their wife sweating profusely like a Christmas goat when they know, given her background, she is not used to such strenuous domestic chores. Even if her parents had brought her up in such a manner, should the husband’s family equally use her like a camel? Some men even tell her well done and, at times they join other members of their family laughing scornfully at their wife. This is wickedness.
The most disheartening part of it is when a husband with his family members awaits the flaws of the wife flaws in some tasks she is unable to perform. They complain by emphasizing how lazy such a wife is. For instance, if she cannot carry a bigger bowl of water, they might give her “alapa stain less” as a nickname. This is where the husband is expected to protect his wife from his family. He should be able to creatively rescue her here by calling his younger siblings since there is no house maid to fetch the water, wash the plates and do other chores. If this cannot be done by the husband, then he is invariably telling his mum that he loves and supports how his wife (the bone of his bone) is being treated by his family. He is equally informing his siblings and other members of his family that his wife is inferior. Little wonder the younger ones, in such cases, do not respect the wife because no one has shown them that she is their elder sister just as their elder brother. Some siblings demonstrate so much boldness that they tell their brother’s wife that she is disrespectful. The husband is expected to curb this by reprimanding his sibling because it means they are saying their brother is equally disrespectful.
Hence, listen to this, you husbands! Pay attention, men of understanding! Protect your wife. A proverb has it that, “a people without sense will be ruined” and I do not want you to be ruined. This is why I have decided to write to you that there is nothing bad if you assist your wife in the kitchen while she is washing those plates in cases where there is neither younger ones nor a house maid who can help her. It simply an act of love, not foolishness. Let her feel loved.
Hosea 2:19 says “I will make you my wife, I will be true and faithful, I will show CONSTANT LOVE and mercy, and I will make you mine forever.”
This scripture should guide husbands. Love her and demonstrate this love, don’t just say it. There is nothing bad if you learn how to write her name on the receipts of things you have purchased. In fact, this should be encouraged so that she will not be threatened by your family on your properties after your demise later in the future. For instance, A SPOON OF #500 BOUGHT BY KAYODE & BIMPE ADEDIRE ON THE 7-7-2017 and not Mr Adedire or Mr & Mrs ADEDIRE because anybody can be Mr & Mrs ADEDIRE.
Put her name on the receipts; protect your future from now. I have seen a wise man who bought their first car with the full name of his wife only on the receipt. That is exactly the type of man we are talking about. A man like the son of Issachar who understands time and season, they will never joke with their future. A man once said to me that he won’t take it lightly with anyone who disrespects his wife because it the person has indirectly disrespected him as well. These are men with understanding.
Similarly, there are still many men with understanding. Personally, I have seen a lot of husbands’ siblings who address their brothers’ wives as their own sisters and not “iyawo wa” (means our wife). They are so much aware that she is not their wife; she is their brother’s wife, so they accord her with the same respect they give their brother.
See, if your siblings (the younger ones of them) still see your wife as their wife and they relate with her anyhow they feel, my dear brother, you have a lot to do. If the foundation is destroyed, what will the righteous do? I don’t think you are ready for marriage business if you are still considering the cost. You say you don’t know how to curb these attitudes demonstrated by your siblings towards your wife neither do you want them to call you names because of your love for your wife. Oh! You don’t want your parents to say you have “eaten efo” (being hypnotised)? Don’t you think it is better to obey God’s instruction that says “love the wife of your youth” than observing a damaged cultural ordinance?
So many people are watching you. Be a good leader; change destinies; correct errors; change mentalities and wrong cultural impacts on the present and future generations. Show to your daddy that you are not pleased with how your mum looks two times older than he looks as a result of his and her in-laws’ enslavement. Action is louder than voice. Let him see that idea of “iyawo wa” (the wife of everyone) is not equivalent to slavery. Show to your dad that the effects of not assisting your mum with the chores have affected your mum both her perception of men and her physical appearance; let him be aware of his mistakes by your own recent lifestyle. He can, because of how you treat your wife, apologise to your mum.
Penultimately, you can as well change your mum’s orientation. The fact that your grandparents have maltreated in their own time does not mean she should extend the same treatment to your own wife. Prove it to her that you are not pleased with how she was maltreated by your dad, his siblings and his parents. Let her know this is a generation where wives are daughters to their mother-in-laws and not slaves.
Finally, my dear brothers — husbands and husbands-to-be, know that the fact that an ideology is common and majority has adopted it does not make such an ideology right. And that and ideology seems to have won the fancy of only few does not make the ideology wrong. Change begins with YOU.
Note: This article is published as received without alteration.