I Will Never Get Married Says a Woman Who Loves Kids

Case

Patricia (not the actual name) is a beautiful young woman under 30 with a promising future. She is a preschool teacher who is good at her job. She loves kids and hope that someday she will have one of her own.

Sadly today Patricia has given up on marriage as she announces to friends her intention not to marry. Her decision stems from the many disappointments she has faced from men she has dated especially her most recent one. The failed relationships of some of her friends in the past equally constitute the data from which she has made this decision.

You can hardly convince her now that the right man is still out there as she seems to believe there are no trustworthy men when it comes to relationship. Her most cherished values in a relationship are trust and faithfulness.

It is unclear whether this decision also marks the end of her dream of becoming a mother.

In Addition

The decision to marry or not to marry is highly subjective. You are at liberty to decide whether to get married or not. There are a number of reasons why people remain unmarried. One of these reasons is that some persons are single-at-heart; living single is how they live their most meaningful and fulfilling lives. Some others may remain single for religious purposes. Another common reason is the adherence to high standards. People under this category are often open to marrying but end up not marrying due to difficulty in finding the ‘right’ partner. They won’t marry just for the sake of marrying.

However, a greater proportion of people are inclined to marriage. Factors such as tradition and pressure from family members are responsible for some people not marrying. For others, getting married is a personal decision, one they place high priority on. This is the only way they can live a complete and fulfilled life. If you fall in this category then it’s easy to say that you cherish family life and like Patricia, also love children.

Ideally the love of children entails the need to get married. You don’t want to have children out of wedlock. The responsibility of bringing up a child lies in the hands of both parents. Better results can be achieved under family settings. This way, a child grows up happily in shared love and understands better the worlds of men and women. A child that grows up with proper parenting from both parents would be better prepared to face life with less regrets than one of single-parenting.

That being said, the task of finding the right marriage partner is not an easy one. Some persons end up being single parents against their original plans due to necessary divorce at certain point in their marriages. Finding the right partner is a key to avoiding this occurrence, and that is an art. It takes longer for some people to achieve than others, but I think it is worth the wait.

You may have been in more relationships than your friends and are yet to find that right person, but it doesn’t mean that he or she doesn’t exist. You just have to be patient while holding on to your standards. Sometimes people jump from one failed relationships to another due to poor decision making. Do not allow desperation be the reason why you would consider just about any kind of person for a relationship. And never say time is not on your side, this will only make time not to be.

A good way to begin after a failed relationship is to take time out to evaluate the relationship that just failed. Focus first on yourself; it is easy to lay blames on others. It could be that you indirectly contributed to the failure of the relationship. Be objective and unbiased in your assessment. Maybe the closeness and communication between you got feeble; could it have been in any way your fault? Have you always been there for your partner? Are there areas that you needed to improve upon and you didn’t? Salient pride and self-righteousness can throw a dead blow on relationships.

It doesn’t sound right to me when people say “I need someone who will take me for who I am”. Who are you, and wouldn’t you like to be better? I prefer someone who would help me become a better person. Change is constant, and for me relationship is about mutual molding for better. It is about communicating, learning and continual change. This is how relationship growth comes about. So I suggest you take time to evaluate and prepare yourself for a relationship that would be built on mutual learning and evolution towards the distant perfection.

If after your assessment you are confident that you don’t have anything to do with why the relationship failed, then all you need is patience. The right person might just be the next person. Disappointment should not be a reason why you won’t consider someone else. All you have to do is choose carefully who you go into relationship with to minimize the chances of failure and maximize the use of time. Yes, making the right choice can save you more time against what you might think. Sometimes the right person might be just around the corner but you won’t notice them when you are engage even with the wrong person.

Incidences like this would normally leave you asking a lot of questions. Common among them is the question of why. As much as it is not an excellent idea to focus your energy on a failed relationship, thinking about why it failed can equip you for a better relationship in the future. If your partner cheated you should think about why? If they suddenly ran off with someone else, why? Did you break up after series of fights, think again why? If he or she gave you any reason for the breakup, you may want to start with that.

They likely won’t be available to answer your questions so you have to make deductions from the past. Again, an honest assessment is required. It can be easier to see past events more clearly now that you are unattached. Look for clues that can provide an indication to the answers. Act on your thinking.

Lastly, you must be ready to compromise in any relationship. High standards might blind you to the possibility of progress. It can make you too judgmental and introduce in your mind expectations that are sky-up high. At anytime focus more on your relationship and not on yourself or your partner alone.

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