10 Deadly Habits that Saps Positive Energy Out of Your Life

We all like to be happy. We experience and create all kinds of different energies that affect how we feel and what we accomplish throughout a particular day and by extension, throughout our lives. Some energies are powerful and easily recognizable, while others are more subtle and often only intuitively felt. I believe it is fair to say that everything is, in a sense, energy.

The things we think, the things we say, the things we do and even the things we don’t do – all produce energy that impacts us and the people around us. If you work on creating a positive energy, and avoid losing them to certain behaviours and state of mind, you will see improvements in your life and in your relationship with people around you.

I present here for you, some of the deadly habits and practices that can rob you of positive energy, leaving you less than happy and posing danger to your relationship with others.

#1       Pretending like everything is OK when it is NOT

Sometimes life throws us tough blows but instead of grieving freely we often pretend to cope with the pains. This is wrong. You can’t hide from your pain, it is yours to bear. Pain is a part of life, without it you would not appreciate pleasure. When you spend energy trying to hide how badly you feel you will end up feeling worse. Pretense dictates that you don’t talk about the cause of your hurt. If you open up and discuss with a confidant about your problems you will find much relief. Do not pretend that all is well when it is not. Embrace your pain, talk about the situation and you will soon feel much better.

#2       Searching for yourself from everyone else

They are people who constantly seek attention, validation and approval from others by which means they find or define themselves. Such people only see themselves through the eyes and mouth of other people. Do not be like them. Accept and love yourself instead of looking for love to compensate for a self-love deficit. It is only when you love YOU that you can have your whole self to give (without reduction) to others. Find yourself and fall in love with YOU and you will have more love to share with others with little expectation.

#3       Letting pain from the past Scourge the present

The past is just what it is, the past. You shouldn’t worry yourself so much about what has already happened. What is done is gone, you don’t have to do it again. It is ok to feel remorse but to let an event in the past to scourge the present is to be unfair to yourself.  And maybe it is something that happened to you that you had no control over but you can decide now on how to respond. Fight not to forget but to forge ahead, leaving the pain behind. Yesterday is gone, today is a new day and every day is a new opportunity to try again. We are made stronger because of hard times, wiser because of our mistakes, and happier when we have known sadness. The present is like a new sheet, do whatever you want with it.

#4       Believing that your best days are either in front of you or behind you

There are only two days in a year that nothing can be done. One is yesterday and the other is tomorrow. So today, this moment, is the only time you would ever have. This moment needs your undivided attention. If the situation at the moment doesn’t feel pleasant, the tendency is for us to clinch onto a pleasant past or dwell in hope for a better tomorrow. It is good to be hopeful, and to romance the past but not at the expense of running from the moment. If you refuse to face today and focus instead on the past or the future you may soon realize that you have wasted so much time chasing shadows. Act now but let your actions be informed by your knowledge of the past and bounded by your vision for the future. Tomorrow is not a day, yesterday may have been a good day but who says today cannot be better. Don’t limit yourself to the past, today can be a much better day. Begin this moment to make the change.

#5       Trying to hold on to who you were before one of life’s storms

This is about holding on to part of the past, the part that was most pleasant to you. When you say the best period in your life was…, you invariably conclude that today and in fact this moment can never be the best. This perception has the tendency of making you under-perform in the NOW. It silently shifts your attention away from the present, starving it of the needed resource to make it the new best. You have automatically set a limit for yourself. No matter how beautiful yesterday was, today has the potential to be better. Remember that your life is actually in the NOW. Don’t live in the past. Even if the moment looks like a storm, face it. It is your life, you can’t run away from it. Things may seems impossible now but one day you may look back at the storms you have passed through and give thanks that you did passed through them.

#6       Worrying constantly and never taking action

Worry is the biggest enemy of the present moment. It steals your joy and keep you very busy doing absolutely nothing at all. Don’t waste your time avoiding effort. You can’t change anything by worrying while doing nothing. And you can’t concentrate on anything you want to do to change your situation if you spend time worrying. Stop worrying and you would be in a better frame of mind to think out solutions. Why carry the burden of past events or future fears into the present moment. Leave the past behind, it is gone. Forget the fear of tomorrow, a lot can change before it comes if it ever did. This moment, this present moment, is all you have, use it well.

#7       Resisting change and growth

Change is said to be constant. Sometimes life doesn’t always go as planned. It is not wrong to yield to the twisting hands of nature. When life takes a turn, turn along and follow it, it may lead you to an unexpected but pleasant end. Do not resist change but rather channel your energy into progress. Decease from trying to control everything, especially what has already happened. You have to accept that some things are just beyond your control and would happen regardless of whatever you do.

All growth begins at the end of your comfort zone. When you are feeling uncomfortable, know that the change taking place in your life is a beginning, not an ending. When you find yourself in a challenging situation, accept that you are in it and never forget it lessons. We are made stronger by hard times and wiser by our experiences. Accept change, it is a necessity for growth.

#8       Taking everything that happens personally

A huge amount of freedom comes to those who don’t take anything personally. When you find yourself feeling angry or heartbroken by the actions of others, try to find excuses for their actions. Change the focus the interaction by trying to put yourself in their shoes and you might find a reason to feel easy. The goal is not to vindicate them, rather to set yourself free from the feeling victimizing you.

Recognize that people don’t define who you are. The more you know about yourself the less you need others to tell you about yourself. When you take things personally you give certain individuals more power over you than they deserve or should ever be allowed to have. Do not trust someone else to tell you who you are, instead rely on what you know to be true about yourself. One thing you should definitely know is that you are in control of your actions, responses and reactions.

#9       Letting negative thoughts get the best of you

Don’t believe everything you hear, even in your own mind. Whether you choose to be miserable or to be happy, you will find plenty of reasons to be. Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction. Break away from that. Talk instead about your joys, loves and your dreams. Be unreasonably positive and you will feel positive energy around you.

One habit that people often allow to get the best of them is thinking that what others think matters most. No it doesn’t. What others think about you for the most part is none of your business, especially if you are confident in your cause and decisions. Look inward and pursue your cause in life. If you rely on people you may have plenty of reasons to give up, get confuse or lose focus.

#10     Refusing to let go a little and open up to uncertainty

Stop caring so much about what everyone thinks. Love and accept the imperfect parts of yourself. Work on doing something about it if something can be done. Do nothing if nothing can be done. And do not be afraid to expose your weaknesses to others. It is liberating and energizing to be truly you. Take time to break away from the crazy pace and trends in life and live your own life. Do things you love to do minding less about world views or whether or not others approve of them. Let go of external shackles, open up to positive energy and be yourself.

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Relationship Watch

Relationship Watch

Relationship Watch is a mind-child of Emmanuel James, a Nigerian with an innate gift for relationship counselling and therapy. RW collects and conveys relationship ideas, opinions and experiences with the goal of helping people maintain healthy and beautiful relationships. Relationship Watch is anchored on the believe that society can only be as good as the relationships we keep with ourselves and the people around us. You are welcome to share your experiences with us.
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